As I sat curled up on the sofa watching the news, a buzzing sound came from beside me! I reached over and grabbed my phone. The notification read “You have a match!”. I unlocked my phone and scrolled to the recently added dating app that my work colleagues had insisted I downloaded. “You’ll love it,” they said when they persuaded me one night at work to get it and sign up, so far, I hated it! Every man I matched with was after one thing…Sex! And for some reason, they thought “Dick Pics” was the new way to say hello! I had blocked more matches than I responded to.
Palms sweating and feelings of dread coming over me, I clicked the app to open it. It took me to my match right away, Mike 34 years old. The dread subsided as I looked at his pictures, these were different from the first ones I saw, he was smiling in these, and his eyes were sparkling. Yet I still wasn’t sure about messaging him! Questions started running through my head, would he be like the others? Had he matched with me by mistake? I closed the app and placed the phone down. “Stop,” I said to myself, you’re self-destructing before you even say hello. I took a deep breath and went for a cigarette. I decided to wait for him to contact me, I didn’t want to come across as desperate! I sat back down on the sofa, The Simpsons, showing on the TV, but that was just background noise to me, my mind raced as it tried to figure out why I couldn’t send a simple message saying “Hi”. In-person dating isn’t this hard, so why is a dating app?
Lost in my thoughts I jumped out of my skin when the phone started buzzing again, my heart beating ten to the dozen, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and then picked up my phone. It was another notification this one read “Mike sent you a message” Holy shit! He didn’t waste any time, my heart started pounding again and I suddenly felt sick. “Well open it then,” I said to myself, “You’re not going to know anything just looking at your phone”. I unlocked my phone and slowly scrolled to the app, clicked it open, and there staring at me was this single number 1 to signify I had an unread message, I tapped it, and it opened straight away on what Mike had sent, there I read a single word “Hi”.
A smile came across my face and relief set in, Mike hadn’t sent a stupid pic to start our conversation with, he had started it normally, he had put me at ease with that one simple word. Now much calmer than I had originally been when I first received the notification, I hit reply, not wanting to overdo it I simply replied with “Hi”. Excitement and anxiety hit me as soon as I sent it, my head started racing again with questions I could never answer, so to keep myself occupied I contacted work to see if any shifts were going. Once I was off the phone, I noticed several notifications all saying, “Mike has messaged you”. This time there were no feelings of dread or sweaty palms. I was excited to open these and see what he had written, I scrolled through my phone with eagerness, clicked on the app, and tapped to open Mike’s replies. There were three altogether, butterflies started in my stomach as I clicked to open the messages, and I was met with three different questions. “How are doing?”, “Why are you on here?”, “What are you up to?” I answered each one as it was sent and ended it with the same question back to him, then waited for him to reply, sometimes the replies were quick and other times they took longer. We continued our conversation throughout the day and late into the night until we finally said goodnight and arranged to speak the following day.
It was easier to start the conversation with Mike the next morning, I didn’t have butterflies or even worry about what I put, I simply wrote “Good morning, Mike, will reply when I can as I’m working. Kate”, Then without hesitation sent it. I placed my phone in my bag, double-checked I had everything, grabbed a cereal bar, then left for work closing the door behind me and locking it. A smile beamed across my face as I walked to work without a care in the world, ready to face the day ahead. It wasn’t long before I received a reply from Mike “Good morning, Kate, no worries I have work too. Have a good day. Mike”. Our conversations carried on like this for the rest of the day, we responded randomly when we had the chance, then in the evening our replies became non-stop as we talked about random stuff, sometimes about ourselves, other times discussing what was going on in the world. Mike’s replies would make me laugh! Whether this was meant to happen or not, I’m not sure. One thing I did know was by the end of the second night I felt at ease talking to him, there was no pressure, it wasn’t like I was on an app, it was like I was talking to an old friend.
The dating app was now becoming my new obsession, not because I wanted to meet anyone else, “oh God no”, that was the furthest thing from my mind. Yet my life practically revolved around it, as it was mine and Mikes only way of communicating. Every notification from the app made me giddy as a schoolgirl hoping it was Mike, my phone had now become permanently stuck to me and a smile was constantly on my face, Mike and I had been talking now for weeks. Our conversations in the evenings had been lasting a lot longer and I started waking up to morning messages, I hadn’t expected this one though, not yet! “Good morning, Kate, how would you feel about exchanging numbers?” Mike”. Oh Shit! Why did he ask that? I dropped my phone on the bed, panic struck as my head went into a spiral, as tons of different questions started running uncontrollably through my mind. I felt myself losing control, I took several deep breaths to calm myself and then slowly sat down on the bed and reached for my phone. I knew this question was going to come up at some point, I just didn’t expect it to be after only a couple of weeks. It made sense though speaking through the app was a pain and this would make things easier for us both, if he got creepy, I could always block him. I replied to Mike slower than normal saying “Hi Mike, that’s a good idea so what’s your number?”. It didn’t take him long to reply with his number, I saved it to my contacts and then sent him mine, feelings of anxiety as well as excitement came over me, we were taking the next step, yet I felt worried that it meant giving this man my contact details! There had been so many rumors about people being catfished, what if this was happening to me? I couldn’t let myself start to worry now about these things, I had to continue the way we were going and hope to God that this man, Mike was genuine.
It was an hour or so later when my phone rang, it wasn’t a normal ring that came through but a video call, I looked at the caller ID it was Mike! I quickly checked in the mirror to see if I looked okay and then answered the call. “Hi Kate,” he said with a beaming smile on his face, relief set in as I saw the person that I had seen in the pictures. “Hi Mike” I replied as I smiled, “I can’t talk for long,” he said “I’m in the middle of a shift, I just wanted to check the photos matched the person” I chuckled as he said this, and replied “ I had been thinking the same thing” it was a relief to know I wasn’t the only one thinking along those lines, “I have to get back to work,” he said, “will call you again later bye” and just like that he was gone. For the next few months, I and Mike text called and videoed each other every day we laughed and sometimes cried while talking, and yet for me anyway we seemed to grow closer, in my eyes it was time for the next step, we had to meet! I asked Mike a few questions about the exact area he lived in and where he worked and from that planned a surprise trip up. It wasn’t till I was traveling up that I informed Mike of what I was doing, and he replied with “OMG! That’s great, see you soon X”. I now became excited with the prospect of seeing him and couldn’t wait to arrive. As my taxi pulled up at the pub where we said we would meet, I became nervous, I called Mike to inform him I was outside and paid the cab driver. “Hello,” he said with a smile on his face as he came in to give me a welcoming hug. We walked into the pub, he introduced me to everyone there, the bar staff and the customers too. We placed my stuff at a table as we ordered drinks and then went out for a cigarette.
Before we could have the cigarettes, Mike raised his hand, and ran it through my hair, resting at the base of my neck, he pulled me towards him and kissed me gently, yet passionately! My pulse was racing, and my heart was beating like a drum. I knew at this moment that he was the one for me. The man I was afraid to message, I was now afraid to lose.
This was written by our contributing writer, Leah Palmer.
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