My heart and mind are forever scarred by indescribable sorrows. Memories of my sweet sixteen ignite a longing to be who I once was before. It seems like it has been a long time, yet yesterday, since I was an easygoing teenager. Lots of friends were constantly around me, and laughter beamed from my being. I, Sammie Jesse, or S.J. as my besties call me, are my tribe. School, in my view, is more of a social event, so my looks must be on point. From head to toe, everything must be stylish. My head full of strawberry-red hair frames my milky chocolate eyes perfectly at all times, no matter what style I am wearing.

My life circulates three things: cheer caption, softball, and my family. Families can be such beautiful yet confusing things; at least mine is. A blending of dynamic large personalities that are different from the last every day. As my sweet sixteen approached I could have burst from my uncontainable excitement that overwhelmed my being. My mother tried to control all party details to ensure that all was perfect at least in her eyes sounds good right? However, the only problem was that we had two completely opposing ideas that were defined perfectly for this milestone event. Everything pink and butterflies were my mother’s idea of a theme for my party as if I was still my five-year-old Barbie-obsessed self instead of my sixteen-year-old softball-loving version of myself.

As I commenced the party planning my way, my brain moved faster than my body could ever possibly move. My emotions made me feel I could have burst from excitement and anxiousness. As visions of a purple and gold softball-themed sweet sixteen birthday bash had begun to take shape, uneasiness from within my family began to bubble up to the surface and infect every member. I could not pinpoint the essence of the uneasiness for weeks. It was as if we walked around confounded.

On the day of the bash, I hustled around, tacking all the last-minute details happily, that was until I hung my birthday banners. In the very back of my closet, I spotted a binder that seemed full; however, I had not seen it before, so I did not put it there. Wanting to see what I was there snuck a peak even though I felt like I should not be. As I dusted off the binder carefully opening it, I unveiled some surprising photographs of my family members with a baby I did not have any knowledge about. As I flipped through each page, I carefully studied every detail of the photos as much as my brain pieced together the occurrences that I had stumbled upon. I choked back a volcano of heartbreak that was bubbling up inside me as thoughts scrambled around my brain.

I braced myself against my bed frame as my legs became Jell-o-like as I tried to make sense of things that just minutes ago felt like facts, however, now nothing about anything in my life seemed real. Tears felt like bee stings as they burned my eyes and as the streamed own my face. As the moments melted away my excitement melted like ice cream under the summer sun those feelings quickly turned into feelings of confusion and anger. My stomach twisted up tightly it made me fold over in half as all my emotions came crashing down on me as if they were an abundance of bricks. Frozen within my mind, everything abruptly and forever changed. Hearing the tones of the doorbell snapped my mind back to the moment from my paralyzed state. Hurriedly, I slammed down the notebook.

This was written by our contributing writer, Melissa Dingman.