I have sat in Queen Elizabeth II’s seat – my bum where her bum was, where she sat and grieved loved ones, including her husband, watched children and grandchildren wed, and events too numerous to mention. What an experience for me! Visiting Westminster Abbey was visceral.

As soon as I crossed the threshold of the ancient structure, I felt a deep pull toward reverence. I longed for silence within myself and the structure. It was as if I instantly absorbed the energy of the location. Empaths do that, but this was a bit different. I wasn’t sure why at that moment. Now that three years have passed, I think I am beginning to figure it out.

Making my way through Westminster Abbey, before I sat in Queen Elizabeth’s spot, I prayed and prayed while walking to and from this area to that. Along the way, I was drawn to an intricate mosaic of the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus, golden halos shining directly into my eyes. A loving mother holding her child with such tenderness – it broke my heart. I desperately wanted to do the same, but that chance was so out of reach. Not because my children were adults now, though they were, but because they shunned me as their mother. They decided they did not want to have a relationship with me any longer. My arms and heart ached for my three girls as I began to weep in front of the mosaic Mary. I made no sound, but with tears rolling down my cheeks, I stuffed money into the tarnished collection box and lit a candle next to others’ lit candles they paid for. I stared at the flickering flame with a blurry vision of tears and prayed for divine intervention.

“Lord, soften their hearts and bring my beloved girls back into my life. It’s killing me to be without them. I’m their mother. They are my flesh and blood. I birthed them after carrying them in my body. They are a part of me, living without me. I want, like Mary in front of me here in this sacred space, to hold them and love them. Please, Lord, help me!”

Later, when I intentionally approached Queen Elizabeth’s crimson, velvet seat in the Quire, I silently connected with her in spirit – the spirit of motherhood. Surely, I thought, this woman of such remarkable strength had known a mother’s pain. Woman to woman, mother to mother, resiliency to resiliency – our spirits connected through that special seat. It was a small space within the abbey, but it holds a large part of my heart and always will. 

This was written by our contributing writer, Nina Graue.