This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call the network, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741, or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.

Grief is not linear. In fact, the journey is a series of ups and downs, twists and turns. This is evident in Allison Holker’s newly released memoir titled, This Far, published by Harper Select.

Though some may not recognize Allison Holker by name, the story of her husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, might ring a bell with those who watched The Ellen DeGeneres Show, where he was a guest host and DJ for many years. Stephen “tWitch” Boss lit up a room when he walked in. The dancing, bright-eyed DJ commanded a crowd with his smooth moves and spirited personality. Underneath that outside layer lay troubles unseen. Even Stephen’s wife of nine years didn’t know the depth of his struggles until it was too late.

Holker’s memoir, This Far, details the tragedy of her husband, Stephen, taking his own life. Married from 2013 to 2022, the couple appeared happy and strong. According to Holker, Stephen’s suicide was a surprise that she couldn’t fathom. The memoir details Holker’s story of love, loss, and embracing the light. It is a story of surviving the suicide and loss of a loved one and how to try to pick up the pieces and endure the grief. She hopes that by sharing her experiences, others can benefit.  “I hope by sharing my story, I can bring some comfort to those who have also felt loss and are trying to navigate through it,” she wrote on Instagram.

This memoir struck a chord with me, also being a survivor of suicide loss. Compassion, curiosity, and resiliency are threads throughout the book. As Holker writes in her account on page 152, “Whether or not people want to acknowledge it, suicide is a part of the human condition. We can’t not talk about it.” Ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away. In agreeance, confronting the issue is the best way to address it. Awareness is key.

Holker’s memoir offers a perspective on healing and creating new routines in a life she hardly recognized after Stephen’s death. She lives with her family in hope: “The journey my children and I are on – that maybe you’re on, too – is a marathon with no finish line in sight. All we can do is keep moving forward, step-by-step, and trust that when we stumble – because we will stumble – we can pick one another up.”

This four-star book is one I recommend, especially for those who have experienced loss due to suicide or those who need a story of hope. Understanding the importance of mental health and wellness is necessary to prevent suicide. Allison Holker believes that truth, and so do I.

*Partly written in remembrance of my late grandfather, William C. Herche.* 

This was written by our contributing writer, Nina Graue.