Image Source: Unsplash- Anna Keibalo
Do you ever find yourself drifting off into a frenzy, consulting your inner darkest thoughts to yourself, before consolidating to ‘that friend’? Have you ever had a photo pop up in your memories, and you wonder what your relationship would have been like now? And have you pictured yourself after years of feeling like you aren’t good enough, to realize that you are, and always have been, much better off without that person in your life?
Welcome to the TED talk on “Old friends are old friends for a reason…”.
As a gal who spends much more time than she wants on thinking about situations and people who have been in and out of my life, whether it has been for a literal hot minute or been several years, I have outgrown a significant number of my friends.
From days being the therapist, listening intently to a friend banging on about the latest guy she is texting and reasoning with advice to give them, to being the perpetrator, giving a step-by-step guide into some of my own problematic experiences, I have seen it all.
I have had many awkward encounters in the past with past friends who randomly decide one day that they don’t like me, and have stopped speaking to me. I have had friends who bailed on me at the last second, and as someone with rejection anxiety, I have taken it so personally that I haven’t made the effort to rearrange.
I have had friends who spread gossip about me, just so they had something interesting to talk about. Friends who chose the ‘popular’ girls to hang out with rather than me. Friends who made fun of my physical features, and to this day, probably have no idea of the extent to which their comments have affected me.
But I have also had friends whom I have forgotten to reply to, and now it has been so long that I can’t bear to respond with anything. Friends, I have tried to like them, but somehow seem to dislike them whenever discussing them to someone else. Friends whom I have passionately hated their other half so much that I just let them get on with it because it was more effort to reason with them on why I didn’t like them. Friends I have lied to, just so they could like me more in their own impression of me. Friends whom I stalk more often than I want to admit…..
One lesson I have learnt about the feeling of a friendship ending is that the wound of a friendship finishing feels like a sharp pain that you wonder if it’ll ever go away.
I could easily get into a tangent about all the people in the world that I know, and how my brain can find frustration in moments that they may have completely forgotten about.
But what I will say is that I am not afraid to tell a friend when they have given me a hard time. Even if they are joking around. I have spent so many years trying to mold myself into the perfect person, and now, as I approach my mid-twenties, that mold does not exist.
I have always been a very observant person, so I have found that over the years, I have copied negative behaviors that people have presented to me, which I have then presented to future encounters with new people.
I want to be the best version of myself at all times, but sometimes your insecurities seep out, and then it becomes impossible to mask the real you. It is absolutely necessary to cry to your ‘friends’ and complain about where your life is at. It is also necessary to call out your friends if they are making your life more difficult, even if they don’t mean it.
As I write this, my life has taken a drastic turn, for the better. I do not have constant communication with my friends as I would like, but this shift in my job and career has made it clear as day to see who shows up in my life, and who doesn’t suit my best interests anymore.
But the best piece of advice I have given to myself during the confusing times of change and shifts in friendships is to never stick by somebody who makes you feel less than what you deserve. You should always have people in your life who show up for you, and who won’t manipulate, embarrass, target, and make you feel less worthy. If people don’t fit into your life, don’t force friendship unless you communicate with each other otherwise. There are plenty of people out there who are better for you than those from the past.
This was written by our contributing writer, Megan Evans.
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