Image Source: Pexels- Elizaveta Dushechkina
We hear what we want to hear. I believe this is true in pretty much every dynamic we can imagine ourselves to be in. Six people who attend the same dinner party, sit at the same table, eat the same food, and enjoy the same conversation will still come up with six different versions of how the evening went. While that is easy to articulate when you are discussing a hypothetical situation, many people lose this nugget of wisdom when they are in the middle of a story that doesn’t align with their expectations or experiences. I find this to be even more true when you are getting through a tough season in a relationship, whether with yourself or someone else. The struggle to communicate through the growth and connection that is needed to pull yourself out of the slump can be daunting and difficult, even with the best laid plans.
What I find remarkable in the few decades I have been researching our need for human interaction in a dysregulated world, is how quickly we are to label a tough moment, a season, or a downward slump as depression, versus allowing it to be just what it is; a negative experience tied to feelings that don’t resonate with your day to day life. Or in simple terms, sadness.
Depression is a mood disorder that causes lasting and persistent feelings of sadness. This can include a lack of interest in doing things, even those things that typically bring you joy.
Sadness is a feeling of being unhappy.
However, it is okay to be sad for more than a fleeting moment. Sadness can also slow down your desire to engage with other people, be active, or even eat a well-balanced diet. The two often look similar; however, they hold a different psychological weight that is worth addressing.
When I am depressed, I often seek medical advice and eventually want to swallow a pill to pull myself out of the slump. Not for a lack of effort, trying to do it on my own, but just for the ease of regulating my dark moods. When I am sad, I’ll reach out to verbally process with a girlfriend and get a pedicure. However, having just survived a divorce, I didn’t want, that sadness was compiled into too many days in a row of hard work that left me to feel as though I wasn’t just sad. I wanted to reach for the quick fix.
However, my therapist did a solid job reminding me I am going through a tough situation; I am allowed to be sad. We spent several sessions going through the differences of feeling as if the world is crumbling under me, to the world is crumbling around me. That it was okay to not be Mary Sunshine in these moments. I was allowed to be 100% sad. Divorce is sad! It did not need to be something I medicated my way through to get to the other side of it.
I repeated, “I am not depressed, I am sad,” all day long for many months to remind myself that I have survived 100% of my worst days; I will survive this, too. Getting to the other side of that steep mountain helped me understand the power in recognizing the distinct difference between being sad versus depressed.
I am very supportive of mental health medication. If you and your doctor feel you need to be on them to get through your rough days, TAKE THE MEDS! Yes, I’m shouting. It’s important you listen to yourself and your doctor on this one. However, if you are like me and just going through a sad period, do you really need to alter your brain chemistry to get through the muck? There is no right or wrong answer here. It is your body, your choice. But I do hope you can pause long enough to honor the situation you are in. Maybe, just maybe, you are sad, not depressed.
Sitting in your most comfortable chair, play out your life focusing on what is happening around you that makes you feel down. Make a list or call a friend, however you most easily sort through situations. Journal through all the emotions that come forward, taking a break as often as necessary, so as not to get overwhelmed. All of us have good and bad days. No one is immune to working through life’s chaos without being on the struggle bus from time to time. The gift worth reaching for is giving yourself time to heal through those moments. You can do so much more than you may have given yourself credit for.
Keep going. The sunshine is around the corner.
This was written by our contributing writer, Tiffani Morgan.
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