Image Source: Unsplash- Katie Drazdauskaite
One of my favorite phrases to remind single people when navigating the dating scene is, “It’s only creepy if it isn’t mutual.” I will stand tall on this hill every single day for the rest of my life. I have yet to find evidence that states otherwise. It’s quite common to be interested in someone, move in swiftly, and it be met with butterflies and smiles from the other person. It is also all too often for the receiver to have zero interest and not understand what might have given you the impression they were interested. When you are in a situation that isn’t mutual, moving too fast can come off as creepy.
Several years ago, a former colleague of mine was interested in a woman he had worked with for a few decades. While they were no longer in the same company, they kept in touch with short niceties and friendly banter. He came to me asking for advice on how to ask her on a date. He had only been single for a short while and wasn’t sure how to move forward without potentially destroying the friendship. I told him, “Just be honest and ask her on a date.” While I know being so direct with a co-worker is mostly frowned upon, they no longer worked in the same company. It was game on, in my opinion. While I never saw the text exchange (or maybe it was a phone call), he reported that they grabbed coffee; however, she was dating someone else and looked at it as just friends catching up.
His disappointment was natural. He took a risk and failed. What later came of him and I becoming solid acquaintances, is later understanding his swift movement and excitement to take her out, rang the alarm bells for her. Quite frankly, it just wasn’t mutual. She was not on the same page as he, which caused a rift in the date before anyone had time to consider if it had romantic possibilities. As someone who has fallen quickly more than once in my life, I found his position quite relatable. I reminded him how important it is to first learn if there is interest. If they say no, listen to them the first time. Don’t take it as a chance to try harder. To do so means putting it all on the line and accepting the very real possibility of being rejected. However, the time when you are met with open arms and agreeance to try more than being just friends, the relationship will soar.
For all the couples who say, “yeah, but he didn’t want anything more from me until we were friends for almost a decade.” Or the classic, “on the fifth time of asking her out, she finally agreed just so I would leave her alone, and we are celebrating 50 years together.” Look, I believe these exceptions to the rules exist, but in today’s timeframe, I think playing it safe and respecting the no will get you further down the line. People are ready to be in a relationship when they are. It is just as simple as that. Respect yourself enough and trust that their lack of interest is getting you to the path you need to be on.
This was written by our contributing writer, Tiffani Morgan.
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