Image Source: Unsplash- Riccardo Mion
“The way people treat you says more about them than it does about you”. I used to accept crappy behavior from people I considered friends and always blamed myself. I used to hate myself and hear my brain churn as I worked constantly to figure out what I did and how to remediate the situation. I never once thought that it had something to do with them. I always gave them the benefit of the doubt. I always put everyone on a pedestal and said Oh, maybe they ran into each other, or someone else planned it, or we’re friends, but they’ve known them longer. One time, I even forgave a close friend for not returning something she borrowed and said she’s too busy to come here (20 minutes away), but had no problem going to the city, which was an hour away. I even got to the point to where I would convince myself something didn’t happen and would go about my way acting as if nothing happened.
Once I began to focus on myself and actually healing myself, I realized people do what they want and will say whatever they can to get away with it and make themselves feel better. Here’s a perfect example: I had loaned two items to what I considered a close friend. Two months later, I began asking for them back (I shouldn’t have needed to ask for them to be returned). After weeks of asking, she said she was too busy and I should come get them. We had been friends for over five years and lived within 20 minutes of one another at the time. It got to the point where I had to call her brother, and he said, “Sorry, I only have one. She told you, right?” I was thrown for a loop. It took me three months to get the other one, and that was only because I went to get it. I noticed a stain on it, confronted her, and was told that I gave it to her like that. It really opened my eyes to her entitlement and behavior.
Unfortunately, this was just one instance involving her. Not only did that lead me to realize a never-ending pattern, but it also showed me how little she respected me. Years of frustration built up inside me, and confronting her was worthless, as I had seen her behavior and lack of accountability over the years towards others and myself. It was time to move on. Respect isn’t provided automatically; it is earned, and while I thought she earned it, she didn’t. Turns out she had been allowing herself and our “friends” to badmouth me for years, and likely joined in as they had no shame in doing this in front of her. Rather than defending me, she sat and listened to them. That isn’t a friend, it’s basically a foe. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too. She wanted to be friends with me because I was a people pleaser, but she wanted to encourage others to complain about me, rather than inform me.
As I realized this, I was able to remove myself from the picture altogether, and she tried to claw herself back in. It’s important to realize that some people are only in your life for a season and won’t always walk with you side-by-side.
This was written by our contributing writer, Anjali Thawaney.
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