I often joke with my local friends that planes from my hometown don’t fly to Montana. Without knowing the exact location of either, you are completely aware that’s just not true. In all the efforts I have put into maintaining relationships and visit when I can, the number of people who have flown this way is zero! I have lived up north for ten years this April, and yet, the planes still seem to be grounded back in Texas. It used to break me believing that people didn’t value our relationship enough to make the trek up north, but when I see, they can get to Alaska or any other northern states, I am quickly reminded we all make our choices.
In a chat with my oldest sister this past weekend, who flew in for two days to celebrate my birthday, we stand on common ground of putting in what we want to get out, I was gently reminded of our stance on maintaining relationships. It stings but, every year it gets a little easier to understand that we are all allowed to have different priorities. Once you come to terms with giving people exactly what they dish out, it’s a little easier to understand “If they wanted to, they would.”
As a recently single woman, this remains true even in the dating world. I am amazed how quickly people will want more from someone they just met or the opposite, who put in so little effort to get to know me that I take it as a lack of interest. Truthfully, it’s acceptable to put in the bare minimum, as it tells me the level of capacity you have down the road or where your priorities lie. At 45, I know this isn’t personal. Just as I know, the people who want to be in your life will take the time to do so, even in the beginning stages of building a relationship.
While it may hurt when others don’t show up, it is a solid reminder that the people in the room are the ones who WANT to be there. There are no greater feelings than sharing your life surrounded by those who love you. At this point, it’s good to focus on the mutual relationships who are putting in equal efforts to maintain it.
Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends whom I can lose contact with for months at a time and pick up right where we left off. These friendships fill my soul just as much as the daily chats I have with others; however, it’s an equal give/take, which somehow makes it fair and easier to accept. Those friends are also woven into years of my life by being around, not brand new. It’s important to understand that everyone has a life outside of the relationship; however, I deem it just as important that you put in what you want to get out. Don’t be so surprised when others back off. It might be a sign they are mirroring your behavior.
This was written by our contributing writer, Tiffani Morgan.
Image Source- Unsplash, Mike Cox
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