Oh, please, oh please, Penelope. Drink up, my little angel. You are the only thing that makes me want to get out of bed. If it weren’t for you, I’d be counting the tiny dust particles floating in the sunbeam through the window. You kept me from counting the threads in my sheets to make sure it was an accurate 800. You know, I used to do that before I got you as a gift.
Maybe it was the last of my wine that I dumped into the dirt surrounding your beautiful stems. Did you get drunk from the old red? Is that why you are all wilty this morning? Is wilty even a word? It is now. I’m so sorry, my girl.
Penelope, you’re everything to me. That loser date I had last night made me pay the 150.00 check. He left his wallet at home, he said. My boss gave me twice the work, and he left for the weekend at noon. And my landlord, Walter, just raised my rent by another fifty bucks in less than six months. He says he wants to get a hot tub in the back. Told me I can use it for free, and he won’t look if I want to go for a dip at night. Sure, he won’t look. He has four pairs of binoculars because he showed them to me, along with his bird-watching club membership card. He’s a seventy-five-year-old peeping Tom.
Poor Miss Maple. You know who she is. You see her almost every day picking up her newspaper. She’s eighty-two and not bad looking if I say so myself. She does yoga and waters her flowers in a bikini. Walter peeps through the blinds with his binoculars. He hasn’t missed a day. King of perv is his new name.
Here, have some of my coffee. I made it a little strong. Okay, a lot stronger, with a double shot of espresso. I hope it’ll perk you up. You cannot die on me. Who am I going to talk to?
Just think of the conversations we shared, Pen. If only you could talk. You would tell me to stop holding you and stop feeding you everything that is making my liver toxic. But you are my best friend. You’re listening to me. Maybe that’s why you look so pale, so sluggish. Here, have the rest of my coffee. It’s just a few sips left. Hey, I think there is a cobweb between two of your arms. I bet that’s Jasper’s home. Remember I told you about him last night. I watched him build his web as he swung from the ceiling fan until I fell asleep.
Come on, Penelope. Do you hear me? Stop looking down in the dumps. You’re reminding me of me. Oh no! Jasper must have bitten you, and that’s why you’re all sick now. What do I do? What do I do? I need to save you! You cannot die on me. If you do, then I will have to crumble your dry leaves and make a mosaic picture for a memory of my one and only true love. Oh gosh, I suck at arts and crafts. I’d probably get most of your tiny leaves on the floor. I couldn’t even think of sweeping you up and throwing you in the garbage. Think for heaven’s sake…I got it! I can flush out the venom from Jasper’s bite. Oh Penelope! I am going to save you, my darling love. Yup, flush you out with water. There you go. Right under the faucet. Just like a hot, hot day in the middle of August. Drink up the cold water.
After a bit of rest right here on the windowsill, you should start feeling better real soon, I hope. I will sit right by you and dry my tears. You see, my precious little leaf bundle. We are made for each other. I got you, and you got me. I’ll find that homewrecker with eight little legs and escort him far away from us. You will see.
I saw Ms. Maple when I came back with dinner for us. Only a little chicken soup for you, though. She said she would come by and drop off a friend for you. A ZZ plant or something like that. She didn’t like that I only had one plant in the window. Don’t you worry, your little leaves; you are the best love in my life. Oh, sweetie, guess what? I got Jasper and four of his friends. We are safe. They were right by the door. Let me just wash my hands, and I will be right there. Maybe I should drink water, too. Maybe it will help with the few spider bites I got while protecting you.
Wow! You’re standing so beautifully now that I can get a better look at you. Maybe that’s why Miss. Maple keeps watering her flowers all the time. I thought it was to flirt with Walter. Don’t worry. I’ll water you every day from now on. Wait… something’s happening. I feel all sweaty… I feel hot… I see two of you…three of you… Penelope, just one more time. Save me!
This was written by our contributing writer, Carissa Kopf.
Image Source: Unsplash, Susan Wilkinson
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