Can you think of that one special friend you had in kindergarten? That one who talked to you first, or the first person who complimented you or made you feel like you weren’t so alone? If you can even remember their name, you’re doing better than most. What felt so important at that moment slowly had time trickle in, pushing it out like sand in an hourglass. Most friendships have time limits, but what if they didn’t need to?

I watched as my boys struggled with their final goodbyes during the last week of school. How tightly they and their friends would cling to each other, thinking they’d never see each other again, because, to kids, everything is an extreme, an always or a never. So there, with misty eyes that I tried to blink away, I concocted a plan. I wouldn’t accept the normal withdrawal of these families from our lives. And so, the most productive thing I accomplished this summer was keeping my son’s friendships alive. My two boys are 5 and 6, and over the summer, transitioning into the following grades was a constant worry that they would vocalize. Most of their friends were transferring to different schools or moving away.

 Trying to teach the boys to accept all those changes at once was a tall order. As parents, we desperately want to protect our kids from pain, emotional or otherwise but also teach them to be strong and resilient when changes occur. There’s that impossibly thin line between making things too comfortable and unrealistic and the other side of being so unbending and strict and having an attitude of ‘’tough, that’s life.’’ But it doesn’t have to be. I’ve learned that kids draw strength from the safe adults around them and the other kids they know and grow with. With all of this in mind, I tried my best to keep everyone together as long as possible.

During the last few weeks of school, I reached out to each of their classmates’ parents, both boys and slowly accumulated their numbers and created a group chat for each class. In these chats, I outlined our detailed and carefully cultivated summer plans. Every day was filled with outdoor activities, arts and crafts, meetups, and playground excursions. Summer birthday friends didn’t have that feared low RSVP count.

 We all tried our best to show up for each other between family vacations and previous engagements. It was heartwarming to see that the kids still enjoyed talking about familiar things and hugged each other whenever they wanted. They could love each other freely and wipe their friends’ tears when necessary. In these groups, I saw the love and support between friends that everyone always dreams of. These little humans had created their own family; nothing else mattered or was as scary. We could all see that the kids hadn’t lost their relationships and strengthened their resolve to continue to the next grade and the next stage of their life.

People have gotten used to the idea that kids move on to the next school/grade, and their old friends become sweet memories, but why should they? At this point, we can still control who they see and keep friendships with. Later, feelings will get complicated, and hormones will fool them into thinking we couldn’t possibly understand. But at this age, if we can show them that friendship takes some work on both sides to keep and that we care about how they feel, imagine what kind of excellent, considerate, and loving people they will grow up to be.

 I feel like it’s become a societal norm to accept that friends come and go so quickly, and where at times and during different seasons of our lives, that can be true, it shouldn’t keep us from trying to keep friendships alive and being there for each other if it’s what we want. Kids thrive on structure and the security and safety of knowing who’s around. Life is hard and scary enough without having to lose friends unnecessarily. If that means I need to work a little more complicated, push past my dreaded mom anxiety of making new friends myself, and put some extra time in to ensure the kids know I’m truly there for them, then so be it. This past summer, I will never forget the constant hearty laughter, the holding of sticky hands, and the broad smiles…And I know the kids won’t either. If I can leave them with any lesson, friends can last for more than a season, and that’s good enough for me.

This was written by our contributing writer, Isis Jordan.