The days get shorter, and the nights get longer. I feel myself slowly changing with the weather. The thoughts of the warm sun cascading onto my skin are now only a memory.

There are many different moments I cherish from each fall and winter. I think about the times we spent together—Christmas lights, snowball fights, and constant baking are the memories I hold close to my heart.

I bring you to family gatherings. You smile and laugh, feeling overwhelmed with acceptance and love. I imagine a life where this is a tradition: us, together and happy.

We relish in the emotion that the holidays cause. The laughter pours from our stomachs, and our smiles are brighter than the star on the tree.

Red wine stains our lips. The taste of peppermint lingers on our breath as we share an unspoken kiss. Your hands in my hair are soft but strong.

These are the moments I remember when I focus on the upcoming season—the moments of pure love and excitement. While the weather gets cold and the sky darkens, my mind can only focus on the warm times and bright moments.

This is when I start to truly focus on myself. I wonder what I need more of to stay happy. If these thoughts don’t occupy my mind, I travel to somewhere different—somewhere much darker.

All the good that comes with this time brings so much sadness as well. The endless nights leave me alone, thinking about the fact that you are no longer near me. Our cozy holidays are no more. You go off and find a new person to obsess over the holiday season with.

I now sit here and prepare for the season to come. I learned that it is okay to grieve. I take that lesson full force as this new season starts. My heart and soul are open and ready for new experiences and new memories.

Baking alone becomes somewhat of a therapy for me. New recipes and unique treats occupy my time. The overwhelming scents of cinnamon, vanilla, and chocolate fill the air, wrapping me up in a warm and comforting embrace.

I feel as though I am taking care of something. While my mind wanders and my heart aches, the only focus I have is how well I am curating my newest creation.

I’m reminded during these seasons that things must fall and meet an end for the new and evolved to grow in their place—just like me. Some things must come to an end for new adventures and memories to be made.

The possibilities that come along with this holiday season leave me hopeful and eager.

The time to change and grow now allows me to feel like there are endless opportunities for me rather than a dark and gloomy season ahead.

The small moments in this season have turned into big events where I can make new and lasting memories. My heart feels full and hopeful, thinking about the time when anything can happen.

This was written by our contributing writer, Hannah Martin.