You captured my heart at 27, and I felt like that was the beginning of our forever. Although I was maneuvering through rough times, I was still put together; my smile was whole.

You treated my son as your own, and that etched you deeper into my heart when I saw my little boy’s face light up when you walked into the room. My smile was bright.

We loved so deeply that we brought 5 more beautiful lives into this world.

We grew, then grew apart, and my smile faded.

The distance started out with fishing trips and bike rides.

Then, the distance grew even more despite you sitting right next to me.

Your phone became the love of your life as I peeped at how you paid so much attention to it, the way you looked at it as you held it…way more than you’ve held me.

I remember you paying attention to me that way…my smile faded even more.

The yelling. The threats. The unforgiveness you hold in your heart.  No matter how much I apologize for any hurt I’ve ever caused, you decided that you will hold onto the past instead of praying for our future. I don’t know what a smile is anymore.

Now what?

Ms. Hill said it best, “See, I know what we’ve got to do. You let go (you let go), and I’ll let go too. ‘Cause no one’s hurt me more than you. And no one ever will”

I am in search of my whole smile.

*This is not from personal experience *

This was written by our contributing writer, Ranice Harper.