Love is one of the easiest and hardest feelings we have. Easy in the way that when you feel it, you feel it hard. We all feel it differently, however, when you feel it, you know. Hard, in the sense that it can be one of the hardest feelings to navigate. Don’t worry, I am here to help. You’re probably asking, how does this chick know anything about love? Well, I can answer that for you. I have had love and lost it. I have also had lust and I know how that can mess up your life. So, I suggest learning from my mistakes or pay for the extra trips to the therapist.

Before we dive into what is love, let’s start by canceling out what is not love. Abuse is not love, PERIOD! Physical, emotional, psychological, and mental abuse is not love. When someone puts their hands on you and hurts you that is called abuse. There is no love in that. That person will tell you one of these phrases “I’m sorry”, “It will never happen again”, or “You just make me so mad.” That is not love. When someone plays mind games with you and tells you any of these phrases; “Your worthless”, “You suck”, or “You are so stupid”. That’s not love. When you’re being told one of these phrases; “You can’t live without me”, “I will hurt myself if you leave”, or “I own you”. Honey, listen! That’s not love. I know I hit some nerves with those examples, however, it is important to know that is not how you are supposed to be treated and sure not how you are supposed to show love.

You’re probably asking yourself, well, then what is love supposed to look like? I got that answer for you. Love does not have a specific look. However, it is a feeling that makes your whole body feel elevated. While love makes you feel as if you can float, do not confuse it with lust. I got a lot to talk about when it comes to lust. We will touch the surface in this article, but I got you in the next issue. That is a whole different type of beast. Back to love. Love makes you feel like the goofiest, silliest, and most nervous version of yourself. While that might make you say, yuck, it is a beautiful feeling. Allowing yourself the ability to accept and give love, will allow you to see yourself in a different light. You feel as if you can do anything, and you want to do anything for that person. You will give your most and your last just to see the person you love smile. It’s all about being vulnerable. Humans naturally do not like being vulnerable. Why? Because being vulnerable is not easy at all. Matter a of fact, it is brave. Allowing yourself to fall in love is true bravery of the heart.

Since we mentioned lust, let’s quickly discuss how lust is not love. Unfortunately, lust and love are commonly mixed up. I’m not going to lie, lust feels amazing. You get those same butterfly feelings that love gives you, however, lust does not last. A great desire for someone will keep things interesting for a while. However, lust is short-term, and you cannot base a whole relationship on it. Have you ever heard someone say, “I lust you” and if you have, did it feel good? I got you on that, NO! Probably in a hot passionate moment, it might have felt alright. But let me hit you with this; that dream person is looking into your eyes and they tell you “I love you” for the first time. Tell me, that doesn’t take your breath away. I know it has worked for me.

While falling in love with someone else can be magical, the first person you must fall in love with is yourself. You need to have that butterfly feeling for yourself. There’s only one you and you deserve the best form of you. I want to part ways on this tip. Love is hard and it takes some real hard work to keep it going. However, that hard work can be the best feeling you have ever felt. Show yourself the best version of yourself and pay attention to the people you invest your heart into. Love may be hard, but it’s clear to see with the right tools.

This was written by our contributing writer, Vonora Lewis. You can find her on Instagram @nora_natish