Friendships, especially those ride-or-die friends, are the lifeline to keeping a woman’s sanity in place. When I was a teenager and even through my twenties, the more friends I had, the more I felt like I was on top of the world. It told me I was something to everybody, which could actually never be true. Still, collecting people was my hobby. Even today, I love deep, personal connections with all walks of life. However, two decades later, I realized all I need are a handful of girlfriends and some good sister chats to verbally process life with. Without the love and support of those dear friends and my sisters, I am one hundred percent certain I would have taken one too many “wrong” paths or possibly not be here at all.

I moved to the Seattle area in 2016. Coming from an abusive home, moving out of the only state labeled as home, and pulling into my apartment complex in Bellevue, Washington, was the first deep breath I think I ever took in my entire life. I was HOME. There was absolutely no way I’d ever leave this remarkably beautiful place. My soul needed the Pine trees, the Red Wood Cedars, and all of the rain for the foreseeable future. People always assumed I was joking when I told them I moved for the weather, but that was the absolute truth. A lifetime of sunshine and ridiculous heat certainly has a way of pushing your spirits to enjoy new heights when under the pitter-patter of summer rain while hiking amongst the tallest trees I had ever seen.

We all know life happens when you are busy making plans:  Life did not keep me in my beloved Pacific Northwest. I don’t know that I’ll ever stop longing for those misty Seattle days or the women I came to call my friends, but love moved me to small-town Montana, which meant rebuilding my tribe and learning how to drive in snow. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have young kids to arrange mommy playdates with. Up until now, that has always been how I connected with women to find friendship. I have been very lucky in creating lifelong bonds with many of those women.

So, here I am in a state I do not politically align with during the COVID-19 pandemic. We all will note this as a time in society where politics was drastically in the way of getting to know people. (Don’t we all miss those days when no one asked or cared? I digress.) I shut down. I didn’t know where to begin. While a lot of political issues don’t actually bother me, the social injustices really get under my skin. I do need and want friends who agree that it does not matter who you love, the color of their skin, their background, or if they know they are in the wrong body and choose to make changes. Those issues, my soul-heart issues, I cannot ignore. While I can respectfully hold space for those against those basic human rights, they are not my people.

I didn’t know how to begin, but I can tell you slowly, I was able to find my people. I joined every local mom group I could. One day, a young mom was seeking friendships and asked if we could all post our mom “dating profiles.” From there, I started to find others with common goals and interests. The moms who cuss, who bring wine to the playdates, who had older children, who have a love for the arts, many people from different states like me, and whatever other witty comment that was created, I “applied” to those profiles. While they didn’t all pan out as connections, the floodgates were opened. My heart was beginning to trust I would find my village.

Throughout these four years, I am forever grateful for the doors that have opened while building authentic female connections. While I will not list any names, simply in fear of leaving one out, the amount of gratitude I have for the handful of women who embrace my crazy, wild, and open-minded self…thank you! You are what makes living in a small town possible for me. You have shown me so much grace and love in finding out who I am as a woman going through my forties and surgically forced into menopause. While every day is not sunshine, I know that with you all by my side, I have a hundred reasons to be grateful.

Find your tribe. It is the most important gift you can give yourself. When you are down, when you need help moving, getting through a nasty break-up, or maybe something as simple as needing to list a friend as an emergency contact at your kids’ school, they will be there. It may take a while to weed out the people you don’t connect with. It does feel a lot like interviewing and dating wrapped in an emotional roller coaster, but I promise you, it’s worth the struggles.

This was written by our contributing writer, Tiffani Bourriague.