It seems there is little more frustrating in a first-world country than being a young adult who is sitting opposite a boomer telling us to “pull ourselves by the bootstraps” and to start acting responsibly.

But I come bearing bad news: There is actually something more frustrating.
Realizing the boomers are sometimes right.

Sure, there are factors you can’t control in your life, such as a crashing job market, insane inflation, and very dire prospects. However, taking responsibility for your life involves none of this.

In this article, I want to share ways you can step into your own shoes and start facing reality like an adult, even if you are young and the world sometimes stinks.

Change your mind set about what it means to take responsibility

I’m going to assume you clicked on this article because you messed up something, and people in your life criticized you over it.

It may be that you didn’t respond to an email on time or stole someone’s birthday gift and tried pinning the theft on your grandmother.

Even though you may roll your eyes at these fictitious examples, what these scenarios have in common is that the subject here is not taking responsibility for their actions.

As much as being responsible sounds like boring adult work, responsibility involves more than mere obligations.

It’s about responding to yourself and coming clean to yourself. When you ask yourself: “Who am I?” the answer needs to be a clear-cut response. “I am a great sister/uncle/professional/painter.” – “I have a great imagination/critical thinking mind,” etc.

By avoiding responsibilities, you are telling yourself, “I can’t rise to a challenge, and I am a failure.”

For people who are disorganized, feeling irresponsible is a big kick in the teeth: You KNOW you are capable of doing so many things and yet you fail at doing the bare minimum.

What you need to remember is that responsibility is not slavery – It’s giving yourself the ABILITY to RESPOND (Get it? Response-ability… 🙂)

Being responsible for yourself is not a chore. It’s a privilege. Dr. Henry Cloud pointed out on one of his YouTube videos that in the Holy Bible, responsibility comes after bountifulness. You can’t be asked to be autonomous unless you have experienced plentifulness. That means we would be hard-pressed to ask you to be an excellent neighbor if you’ve never seen what it’s like to have or be a good neighbor.

However, it is still your job and your privilege to rise to the challenge if you can.

Of course, that is not to say you should push yourself to do the impossible. If you break your leg, it would be unfair to ask you to compete in a football tournament. Once again, having the ability to respond to that event (the broken leg!) would mean putting in effort to go to re-education and physical therapy.

Taking responsibility in practical ways

My hope here is to help those of you who struggle to be responsible. So here are the things you’re going to do to stop being an adult-child like Lorelai Gilmore (As endearing as she was, there are times when she should have been responsible and chose not to.)

1. You are going to start prioritizing tedious things that will pay off in the long run

Yes, I know you’d rather die than clean your house, but this is something that will teach you discipline and commitment to yourself.

By setting a standard, such as having your bed made, your laundry folded, and immaculate floors, you’re teaching your brain two things:

1. That you are a capable and functioning adult who no longer relies on Mum and Dad to clean after them. You are able to rise to a steady requirement and to resist spending your day scrolling on TikTok.
2. Small things are important. Duties are important. Demand avoidance and task paralysis will reduce drastically (Yes, I’m looking at y’all neurodivergent folk who experience this!).

You will also prioritize exercising those 30 minutes a day and sleeping in a bit more early.

2. No more lame excuses

The reason a lot of people are super harsh on neurodivergent folk’s executive dysfunction is because they assume the very real task paralysis and demand avoidance faced are actually just laziness.

Two things can be true: You can face unique challenges when it comes to taking ownership and control of your own life AND also be feeding yourself lame excuses as to why you are irresponsible.

This applies whether you are neurodivergent or not.

Your lame excuses to avoid taking responsibility include:

• I’ll do it tomorrow
• I can’t be expected to be perfect
• Not doing this is my self-care
• Taking my dog for a walk isn’t that important

Sure, these excuses may be valid once in a blue moon. It’s okay if you’re feeling overwhelmed to take a break. But if done repeatedly, this is irresponsibility.

So you’re now going to repeat after me these self-affirming beliefs that are going to help you drop the helpless adult narrative:

• I do need to complete some tasks today, and I’ll feel better after doing them
• It’s okay if I’m not great at this, but I’ll give it 100% anyway
• If I postpone this task, I’ll still need to do it, so I might as well do it now.
• I am capable, and I can do it.

Of course, if you are disabled, all of this advice may not apply 100% – But keep the essence of my message and tailor it to your situation.

• Pick up habits that will garner respect from others

We can’t live our life for others but our society won’t evolve unless we care about others.

This is why you need to pick up habits that will increase admiration and respect for you.

Here are some I would recommend to anyone:

• Apologize when you are wrong. It won’t cost you a dime.

• Take initiative in social settings. Being in the passenger seat of your friend group or family will lead to resentment and a victim mentality.

• If you can, share things with others. Being generous will lead to an increased sense of responsibility. If you analyze Gilmore Girls, you will notice that the main love interest, Luke Danes, owns a cafe and does the cooking – He is portrayed as a giver and, therefore, the epitome of responsibility

• Actively aim to improve your practical skills. If you can change a lightbulb on your own, you are relying on yourself and stepping out of the irresponsible, child-like state some adults live in.

• Choosing a new narrative for yourself. Remember that South Park episode where one of the kids (Butters) decides to go to a shop that specializes in “branding” people? I want you to choose a few words that describe you now and then write down what you would like to be like.

For example, Taylor Swift used to be branded the ” teenage country singer” and then became “Kim Kardashian’s enemy, who uses snakes as a symbol.” and now she is “Era’s tour billionaire who redefined mainstream pop.”

Essentially, I want you to sketch out how you would like to be viewed in order to improve your odds of taking the reins of your life.

Truly, I think that responsibility is something that needs to be worked on. We are not born organized, pristine, and perfect. We are born tiny, purple, and bloody, and then we transform into fully-fledged human beings with our interests, lives, and work.

Instead of being sucked into your failures, taking responsibility will allow you to be happier, even when something bad happens. Because you can at least say: “I made a mistake, but it’s my mistake, and no one shoved this mistake into my bag. So that means I can make it right.”

This was written by our contributing writer, Suzanne Latre.