Image Source: Unsplash- David Holifield
By the time this article is published…it will have happened.
I will have turned thirty, marking the end of a tumultuous decade.
I laughed and cried and changed more in my twenties than I ever thought possible. I got married. I moved away from my hometown and back again twice over. I experienced a mental health crisis and subsequent recovery…
Almost nothing went according to plan, but I learned a lot along the way.
Here are the twenty lessons I learned in my twenties– some learned gently, some learned kicking and screaming. I’d say that I hope reading my life lessons saves you some heartbreak. But I think maybe this is what your twenties are all about. Maybe the whole point is to build things and watch them fall apart and fall in love with the wrong people and reinvent yourself a dozen times. So, maybe this isn’t a cautionary tale. Maybe it’s a love letter to ten years of self-growth and resilience. Maybe it’s a beacon to let you know that, just as sure as I did, you’ll survive your twenties, too.
- Doing things right is much less important than doing things for the right reason. Perfectionism is the enemy of progress. Know when to let yourself fail.
- “You only live once” is a lie. You will live a hundred different lives, and you’ll be a hundred different people. If your life never changes, and if you never change as a result, you’ve missed the whole point of it all.
- The most important thing to be is kind.
- The second most important thing to be is curious.
- Make bad art. You’re not going to write the next great American novel until you’ve written at least one really bad first draft. And, while we’re talking about it, you don’t have to create things with the goal of success or acclaim. You can just make things for the love of doing it. Write a weird short story that’s just for you to read. Paint a crappy mural in your bathroom. Life is a marathon; have some fun along the way.
6. The best things in life will happen when you’re a little bit scared.
7. You’re never too old for your interests. Don’t abandon the things you love just for the sake of getting older. Read fanfiction. Do arts and crafts. Shamelessly binge your favorite show from high school. The version of yourself that loved those things still lives inside of you–indulge them from time to time.
8. On that note… growing old is mandatory. Growing up is not.
9. You’re going to lose touch with people as you grow up. It’s scary and it’s sad, but it’s okay. Reach out to the people you miss, let go of the ones you don’t.
10. You’re also going to outgrow people. People will outgrow you, too. This one sucks, I’m not going to lie. But you can remember people fondly, and cheer them on from the sidelines, and love them every bit as ardently as you always have…and you can do all of that while knowing that who you are now isn’t compatible with who they are now. It doesn’t cheapen the time that you spent together, and it doesn’t make you sworn enemies.
11. The quality of your friendships is always more important than the quantity. What good is a crowded room if you still feel lonely in it?
12. Being “basic” is a myth. Give yourself permission to like popular stuff! It’s popular for a reason.
13. Being “cringy” is a myth. Give yourself permission to love things as hard as you can. You love them for a reason.
14. It’s cheesy, but when you meet the right person…you just know. It won’t be because of the butterflies or the fireworks (though those are nice). You’ll know because of the things that linger when those initial sparks dull–the contentment, the safety, the friendship. The honeymoon phase is so much fun, but it’s what comes next that makes up a life together. The person that you want to clean out the refrigerator with on trash day…they’re the one.
15. Collecting vinyl records is a fun hobby, but an expensive one. Proceed with caution.
16. There’s no shame in going home again. And there’s no shame in leaving home (again and again) either.
17. Your twenties are for discovering Mary Oliver and Richard Siken and reading their words like they’re scripture. It’s a rite of passage. Don’t skip it.
18. Trying isn’t a bad thing. It’s okay if people see you trying! Making an effort is a very cool and important thing to do, and you can’t let your fear of being perceived keep you from doing it.
19. Throw away your scale and stop subscribing to “anti-aging” content. Your body is the least interesting thing about you. It’s going to change as you get older, and you’ll be okay. I promise.
My body doesn’t look the same as it did when I was twenty-one. I’ve eaten enough good charcuterie and warm cookies that I had to buy new jeans. The lines around my mouth formed from hundreds of hours spent giggling, and the corners of my eyes crinkle up when I smile. I found my first gray hair at a Hozier concert, and I get to laugh at that memory forever. Every change in my body is a reminder that I don’t want to spend my one life pursuing eternal youth. I hope I live long enough to one day look in the mirror and see my Mema’s face looking back at me.
20. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to go according to plan. You’ll get your heart broken by lovers and friends alike. You’ll fight with your mom, and your partner, and yourself. Your dream job will burn you out, and you’ll have to make some changes. You’ll run up a credit card bill and end up on a diet of ramen noodles and tap water. If it can go wrong…it will.
And honestly? That’s the best part of it all.
I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I have ended up exactly where I’m supposed to be. But I also know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t have gotten here unless everything had fallen apart.
I hope the same thing happens for you, whoever you are.
I hope your first love breaks your heart and you pack up your life and move to a new city to get over them. I hope your first adult job kind of sucks, so you quit and write a novel, instead. I hope you decide to reinvent yourself over and over again, until it finally feels just right, and I hope you love all of the versions you try on along the way.
I hope you look back on your twenties and, despite it all, feel fondness for every setback, every breakdown, every night spent crying to Taylor Swift. I hope you’re proud of how you turned out.
I do, and I am.
This was written by our contributing writer, Kate Schifano.
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