The Up & Coming Magazine

Image Source: Unsplash- Hoi An Photography

Oftentimes, we as grandparents are criticized for giving our grandchildren more than our children had. The truth is, we view our new experience with the little ones as a second chance to have the experience all over again.

Although my children have had a wonderful upbringing–their words, not mine–they have noticed that the grandkids get more.  More of what you may ask. More of everything.

As a young and new parent, you don’t know everything. Your daily responsibilities jumped tenfold. On top of that you are busy working to put food on the table and keep a roof over your heads. The little time you do have is spent trying to get a breather to maintain some level of sanity. There is little time spent keeping the flame alive that you built before the “I do’s” were exchanged, and you find that there are so many missed opportunities to express love and build memories that are riddled with discipline, telling the children to stop, don’t do that, or sit still.

As a more mature parent who has been through the trials of rearing children, we look back and say we wish we could have done things a little differently. When the grandkids come along, it is our way of having that second chance.

I tell my daughter, I look at my granddaughter, and see what an amazing gift my daughter has given this world. The ability to express our love and joy to the littles is through the eyes of a parent who has been given a 2^nd chance as a gift.

Grandparents love their grandkids beyond the bounds of parenting because they missed opportunities. Spoiling them or building memories comes from gratitude and the ability to express love without the daily responsibilities.

My daughter once told me. “I’m grateful my children have such loving grandparents. I can’t imagine a world where my children would never get to experience the love you express and the joy you give them. They are truly blessed.”

It isn’t about the gifts you give them. Gifts and toys come and go. It is about the relationship you build that lasts a lifetime.

Of course, we honor her as their parent and don’t step on her toes. That is what a healthy relationship looks like. I have talked to many grandparents who do what they want, and it only causes further discourse down the line. If my daughter says no to snacks before dinner, we affirm what she ordered or that bedtime is at a certain time, and we keep the schedule.  This is where grandparenting can overstep boundaries. Being the best Nonna and Pappa doesn’t mean it is our way because we have been there and done that. If that is the road you take, the road will be short. Your children will slowly allow those times with the grandchildren to shrink because they may feel you are working against them verses in conjunction with them in supporting their efforts in child raising.

Afterward the get together, if the parent of the child feels like they have to restore the child’s routine, it could be exhausting and any attempt to spend time with the grandparents slowly diminished. As a grandparent, we need to remind ourselves that it is not our time to parent again. It is our time to love all over again unconditionally. A time to build relationships and share joy, all the while encouraging them and building memories with the grandkids.

Spending that time with them when they’re little into their teen years teaches many things. They learn to honor and respect their elders. They learn to love back outside the walls of their own home, and they develop a foundation of what family is.

I enjoy those days when my daughter calls up and says we need a date night, can you watch the littles, or you want the kids for the night. We have given her that freedom, and she accepts it because she knows her kids will be well taken care of, watched over, and loved beyond reason. They are special moments where the children feel they are special because they have that private time spent away from their parents, that is just for them.

The greatest joy I get as a Nonna is when my little 3-year-old granddaughter asks if she can play at my house or asks if she sleep in her bedroom that we have set aside just for her. Why? Because she knows she gets Pappa and Nonna time. She goes to the park and rides on the golf cart. Her pappa plays on the floor with her while having a tea party, and her Nonna will color with her. Those are all things her parents do with her and her brother, but the time is split with the sibling, chores or work. When she is with the two of us, our attention is 100% solely focused on the littles and not work or what chore has to get done. 

The biggest joy one could have as a grandparent is to see their little faces light up and know that you once put it there on your own kids and now, you are the the one that put it there on your grandkids.

This was written by our contributing writer, Shannon Hrimnak.