The Up & Coming Magazine

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Writer, Julia Cawelé, who just turned 22, talks about the birthday blues and how getting older has become an annual reminder that we don’t have forever.

When I was younger, my birthday was an occasion that I couldn’t wait to arrive. I would start planning weeks in advance, discussing how I wanted to celebrate and where; how I would do my hair, my outfit, and most importantly, who I would invite to commemorate this special occasion. The bliss of childhood excitement. As I can imagine, many also felt the same and can remember when it being your birthday was the classroom equivalent of winning a Grammy and all your classmates were the audience applauding, admiring your achievement, as turning 8, 10 or even 15 was one step closer to being the grown up you couldn’t wait to be  A great contrast to more sombre birthdays as an adult where the circle around you is much smaller and your new age more discreet that you sometimes wish you could shrink.

As I can imagine, many also felt the same and can remember when it being your birthday was the classroom equivalent of winning a Grammy and all your classmates were the audience applauding, admiring your achievement, as turning 8, 10 or even 15 was one step closer to being the grown up you couldn’t wait to be  A great contrast to more sombre birthdays as an adult where the circle around you is much smaller and your new age more discreet that you sometimes wish you could shrink.

I’m a September baby, September 8^th to be exact. Growing up, my birthday always clashed with the beginning of the school year, so I rarely remember a time when I wasn’t celebrating in my uniform. When I was little, I would wake up to big hugs and cards, and I was sent to school with a big badge and a large tin of Celebrations, to everyone’s delight that day. As a teen, the Snapchat era was in full force, before I even brushed my teeth, I had to make sure my story had gone up, reminding everyone on there that today was my day, my friends’ stories flooded with old pictures of us and of course, pop a new snap through to keep the streak going (how time flies). It was only this year, though, that I sat and looked over how the day had changed from something I wanted to scream to the world, which I would have twice if I could, to a day I just wanted to delay for as long as possible.

Recently, as my birthday was approaching and my family asked if I had any plans, I was still stuck on the fact that somehow, we were entering the second half of the year (even though we already had). I am surprisingly at that stage now where my age has become a marker that judges where my life is and if I measure up to where I thought I would be the year prior. I honestly feel like I just turned 21, and now I’m suddenly 22, which feels (in my head anyway) so much older. If I asked my fourteen-year-old self where I thought I would be at 22, she would probably respond with “maybe living alone, finished university, dating a hot man.” I don’t know, but if that were the case, she’d have 1 out of three down. A few days before my birthday I had a little cry over it, my mom comforted me humorously; “common, growing up is normal, you just got a degree, your healthy, happy, why the emotions?” and to be honest, I could chalk it up to shallow reasons but considering how she phrased it, I wasn’t so sure myself.

I will say, though, that it is comforting knowing I’m not the only one with the birthday blues. A common experience many people, particularly Gen-Z women, have too, as the occasion is often a reminder of what you have and a bigger one of what you lack. A TikTok trend I have seen recently is the notorious birthday dinner, and how brutal the wound can be when those who you thought cared about you fail to show up (good thing I steer clear of those and prefer a family thing). Chronic loneliness, struggling to find your feet in your twenties, met with the constant exposure to lives seemingly much better than your own, is a shared experience of people in my age group and can make for a toxic melancholy in your everyday life that can convince you that you are not enough.

Before I blew my candles out this year and my family sang that tedious song, in my mind, I insisted, “I’m not Taylor Swift,” “I’m not feeling 22,” but are we ever feeling our age? Is age just a construct? I mean, it can’t be, it’s the closest reflection of where we are in our lives, well, the closest biological measure. I was even thinking whilst eating the yummy birthday meal (fried party foods) my family made this year, “maybe I should take a page out of Mariah Carey’s book and just have anniversaries instead, as my age is becoming more painful the higher the number gets. But as I scanned the room, wisdom kicked in, or I should take a look at the people around me, the small blessings like a roof over my head, fresh food every day, and the many other things that make my life so special, and look at them with gratitude. Sure, I’m not buying a huge house, traveling to new cities every day, or dining at expensive restaurants with names I can’t even pronounce, but I would be silly even to try to look at my life with anything less than glee.

Dreaming, planning, and doing are so important to me and so many others out there, too, but don’t lose yourself in what you don’t have or think you don’t have, because even though every day is not promised, the one you’re seeing today wasn’t either! Take a breath, drink a cup of tea, and calm down because getting older doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’m still learning, but I hope this reaches someone who is, too.

This was written by our contributing writer, Julia Cawele.