As soon as the doors closed, panic crept in—was this really happening? I had hoped for a relaxing weekend, just catching up with some friends, but suddenly, the excitement drained away, and anxiety took its place.
Work, well, let me just say, it sucks! I mean, it pays well for being a biller. Yup! I bill everyone with a CoolWave Enterprise credit card. Sometimes I just want to scream on the phone, DON’T BUY IF YOU CAN’T PAY!… but I’m sure that’ll get me fired. Show someone a catalog of household gadgets, and they go into a buying frenzy. They really don’t know or pay attention until they can’t pay for it. Then I hear every excuse in the book about how they can’t afford their bill. So, instead of losing it on the phone, I booked some much-needed time off and planned a little gambling getaway.
Now, here is where my luck really starts going downhill. I thought I was on top of the world, punching out on Friday at five. Unfortunately, it was like the time clock stamped out ‘Doomsday to Come’ on my time card.
My father said, “Take the bus. You won’t want to be on the road with all the crazies changing lanes, honking for no reason, or cutting you off. Stop off and pick up a good crossword book. Oh, and a Times magazine.” He must have thought I was him. He forgets we live in the twenty-first century and have cellphones, tablets, and laptops.
So off I went. You see, even though I purchased a bus ticket online, I still had to go up to the counter and get it stamped for my twenty-five dollars in free coins. The moment I got on the line, I knew I would be standing there forever. I should have just turned around and gone back home. Finally, after thirty minutes, I was next. There was an elderly lady in front of me; no problem. When I heard the clanking of a lot of coins hitting the metal tray between her and the ticket lady, it was a problem now.
I told myself to keep in control and offered to help her count out her coins. The old woman smacked my arm with her metallic-colored tote bag, glared as she said, “Son, you touch my money, and I’ll pull my pepper spray out and get you right in the eyes! I’m number one in my pepper-spraying self-defense class. So, BACK OFF!”
I put my hands up and stepped back. The other window had a line of twenty people, and of course, the third window had its shade down.
Time! Time is what I have no patience for. But, with the line so long next to me and the other one closed, I had no choice but to stay where I was.
Another ten minutes, and the pepper-spray lady got her ticket and started walking away. She looked at me as she passed and patted her shiny tote bag.
I wanted to roll my eyes so bad, but I let it go and went up to the counter.
“Really? You must be kidding me!” I said to the ticket lady. “It said nothing online when I purchased my ticket that I would get my twenty-five-dollar voucher on the bus. I’ve been standing here for nothing?”
I huffed and headed to the bus.
Lucky me, only two people were already seated. I looked to see if anyone else was coming on, and there was no one. I ran to the bathroom in the back because the two-hour ride would be extremely uncomfortable with a full bladder. Plus, who wants to use the toilet on a moving bus? Oh, let’s not forget the smell after people used it; no, thank you!
I thought my bathroom trip would be nice and easy, well… it was fine until I couldn’t get the soap out of the dispenser. I pressed the button, but nothing. I tried to push up on the spout, but that didn’t work. I tapped the plastic container, and a few drops missed my palm and fell to the floor. Should I? I thought. My stomach felt queasy at the thought of swiping a little of it up from the floor. Maybe just the top of it. Don’t you dare! I hit the dispenser again and felt a drop land on my hand. Yes! Good enough.
Hardly any soap, and now the door lock is stuck. I could hear people chatting, which meant the bus was filling up. If I want a good seat, I need to get out. I try again to push it open. What the hell! I wiggled the lock with force and was thankful it slipped open. Until I caught my skin between the metal grooves. “Shit!”
No cut, but a blood blister was forming.
The thought about having a good seat vanished in a second when I stepped out of the bathroom. I was only in there for a minute or two. Maybe longer with all the issues I had. Where did the bus depot hide all these people?!
“Excuse me,” a thick and round man said, who was waiting to use the restroom.
The only way to let him pass was to squeeze between the seat and him. It was not fun having his stomach rubbing against mine as we passed each other. A very uncomfortable maneuver. It looked like there were empty seats up front. So, I hurried to get there. The first two I saw were taken by a mother and a child. Then another row looked unoccupied, but when I got there, it had bags on it.
The bus driver motioned to the third row behind his seat. Perfect. When we get to the casino, I won’t have to wait for everyone to exit. Time is important. I haven’t seen my friends in over a year. I hurried to get that seat before anyone else got it.
When I sat down, the person next to me was hidden behind a newspaper. The driver announced that the bus was full and that the ride would take 2 hours and 15 minutes, give or take, depending on traffic. He started the engine and backed out of the spot. I watched everything pass by, and it felt great to leave my mundane life behind for a few days.
I was about to get comfortable and put my earbuds in when I noticed my neighbor adjusting the newspaper, and a metallic-colored tote bag peeked out beneath it.
Crap! It’s the pepper-spray lady!
I looked back to see if there was another seat, but the driver was right. Totally full.
I’ll play it cool. Put my music on and my head back. That’s it. It’ll be alright.
About fifteen minutes into the ride, a foul smell forced me to open my eyes. I looked to see if someone was eating eggs. No one. My companion for the next two hours had a little smile on her face. She was passing gas.
When the person in the row next to me looked my way, the pepper-spray lady pointed at me.
I was horrified. I shook my head and pointed back.
“How could you blame a sweet old lady?” the passenger said.
When I looked towards Ms. Gas Maker, she batted her eyes with innocence.
I pushed the earbud back in, turned up the volume, slumped back, and closed my eyes. The nerve!
I woke up sharply to a hand nudging me repeatedly. It was her. Her lips were moving, but all I heard was my music.
“What is it?” I asked after taking out my earbuds.
“My glasses,” she said, pointing to the floor. “They fell. Please. Can you get them? I get dizzy when I bend over.”
My Dad’s voice is now playing in my mind: ‘Be kind to your elders and always help them. You will be old one day.’
I looked on the floor and under the seat as best as I could. “There are no glasses on the floor.”
“Please. They fell. I saw them fall.
With all the patience I could muster, I went on my knees to have a look. No glasses. Just as I was about to get up, one of my buds fell out of my hand and rolled to the row behind me. I reached for it and almost had it, until a shoe came down and it, along with my fingers. I could hear my inner self yelping NOOOOO!
My face cringed as I said every foul word I could think of to myself and yanked my fingers away. I flexed my pointer and middle fingers, relieved I could move them. Back in my seat, I watched as the old lady pulled out big, red-rimmed glasses from her bag’s side pocket.
“Silly me. I am always forgetting where I put things. Thank you, dear, for looking.”
I semi-smiled and shoved the one bud into my ear. The ear that was facing her.
Why me? Can you answer that? I wanted to shout out loud.
I checked the time. I still had an hour and a half to go. Again, I looked to see if all the seats were taken. Just in case I was mistaken and missed seeing an empty one. Nope!
I pulled a bag of cashews out of my carry-on and ate a few. I hoped a nap would help me ignore my seatmate.
Time passed without bother. Until another weird smell woke me. My nostrils went into overdrive even before my eyes opened. What the hell…? Oh no! Not again. I looked in her direction, and she smiled and asked, “Want some hand lotion?”
I shook my head and got myself ready for daggered looks from all around me. Her lotion didn’t have a nice flowery scent. It was BENGAY!
ANYTHING ELSE?! Can anything else go wrong? I should have driven.
At least I can finish my cashews. I reached for the bag, only to find two left. Of course, my brain sent a signal to my stomach as soon as it registered that there were no more. The hunger pains started. I looked down at my lap, thinking they might have fallen out, but nothing. I checked the floor, nope. Where the hell… then I slowly looked towards her. The old bat was picking her teeth with a folded piece of paper.
Enough is enough. I went to tell her off when I felt a push. “Hey, it’s time to wake up and get off the bus.” A man said as he was heading toward the doors. “Time’s ticking away. You want to win, you gotta play.”
I turned towards the seat next to me to see my carry-on. I looked around, and everyone had different faces.
Holy Crap! What a nightmare!
Once in the casino, I found the spot my friends and I had agreed to meet. It turns out I had arrived early, so I figured I’d try my hand at gin rummy. I played a few hands, and I was up $500. I’ll quit after one more round. As the cards were being passed around, I saw that I might have a winning hand, so I placed all my chips on this bet. The dealer threw down the last card, and cheers came from the other side of the table. I looked over as a woman said, “Oh, look at that. You needed my two of hearts.” She lifted her wide-brimmed hat to reveal her red-rimmed glasses.
This was written by our contributing writer, Carissa Kopf.
Image Source: Unsplash, Aleksandr Popov
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