I see you every day,
you are not here
but you live within me.
I am left cleaning a mess you left
but still a mess you never made.
I still check your emails,
answer your calls
because I somehow want to believe
you never left.
I wanna feel like you are still here.
I wanna feel you,
feel your breath hard against my neck.
I wait for reality checks
on days where my heart takes a drag
and I look for an escape.
I still need you to be my scrape.
I lost everything,
but nothing all at once
because you once said
I haven’t lost anything
as long all I haven’t lost myself.
You are out of reach,
but your word I still preach
and your smile I still praise.
your vows I still rehearse,
your poems
I still recite to the mirror
as I have nothing without you.
Life has been milked out of me,
every day, I want to take a sip from your pond
but with the dismissal of meetings,
I procrastinate and swim instead.
I still stare at the night sky
and reminisce
about how much you hated your name,
your genes,
even the color of your hair. Finally transformed into a moon,
me a star, I forgot how to call.
You were my inspiration,
the reason I wanted to dye my hair blue,
the reason I would be the first to say “I miss you.”
Some rivers are painted blue
but carved grey,
you can take your leave
and I will be left asking for may.
This was written by our contributing writer, Siwaphiwe Matha.
Image Source: Pexels, Leyla Qəhrəmanova
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