My grandma used to tell me all the time; “Nora, be a man’s peace”. I always thought to myself what about my peace? Grandma’s advice was missing an important element in her statement, and that element was herself. In the 1940s and 50s, gender roles were very strict, however, the connections between the couples are up for debate. I use to tell my grandma that I wanted a love story like hers with a modern twist. She used to laugh at that and would tell me, well if you want that, you got to be his peace”. This used to drive me crazy, because what about your peace? Well 23-year-old Nora, 31-year-old Nora can finally answer this question.

What grandma was trying to get young me to understand is, you need peace in your relationship. It has nothing to do with gender. Peace is a key component of a healthy relationship. Peace is necessary because it gives both partners the chance to be calm. Think about it, you and your partner are screaming at each other, who is actually listening when they are screaming? I know I am not. Now take that same situation and flip it to calmness. Now the partners can hear each other and allow each other to communicate.

Another angle you can look at when thinking of peace in a relationship is being considerate. Yes, you heard me! Being considerate allows for more positive experiences in the relationship. My father loved football. He was a diehard New York Giants fan. When the Giants would lose, my mom would make him a pie. He loved apple pie and my mom would bake one every time the Giants would lose. That pie would bring my dad so much peace after watching another tough and frustrating game. I share this story because it was a perfect example of using peace in the form of consideration for your partner.

Let me get a little personal about this. I am a very busy person. I know you’re like “You are not the only one who lives a busy life.” I agree I’m not. However, I am sharing about myself. When it comes to me and what I want from my partner, I need him to bring peace to my life. With all the hats I wear in my career, having a man who brings calmness to my life, is a necessity. While I need peace, I also give peace to my partners. It’s a two-way street. At the end of the day, Grandma was right. Peace is needed in relationships. Thanks, Grandma!

This was written by our contributing writer, Vonora Lewis.