Let’s do it, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about breaking up. For the most part, we have all experienced a breakup. We have either been the ones breaking it off or the ones seeking homage in our rooms from being dumped. This experience is horrible but you will make it through. I just experienced a breakup myself and now I am going to share my story with you.

I recently we through a breakup. Yeah, your relationship girlie got dumped. Guess what, it sucked! I thought I found my Mr. Right. He wasn’t all the things I dreamed of but he presented himself as the thing I needed. The keyword was “presented”. I thought to myself, wow I found my “forever-ish” person. Someone that I can connect with on more than one level. (I’ll explain the “forever-ish” comment later on.) However, I am stating today, that I was wrong. 

I am an adult so I will own my piece. I only believe in elevation in my personal life. I have had my fair share of friends and partners who could not match me intellectually, emotionally, socially, sexually, and not financially. However, they all had something in common, they were necessary for the season I had them in my life. If I could go back in time, I would have changed nothing about those experiences, without them, I would not be where I am today mentally. Okay, your girlie is lying. I would change the amount of time I spent with them. 

Side note, nothing is worse than a friend breakup. Don’t worry, I will have a whole piece on that and you will enjoy it. Promise, that’s coming in the next magazine issue.

You got me, I have been jumping around in this article and have not told you what happened to cause the breakup. The answer is complicated. This breakup was significantly different from all the other ones. I usually can see them coming or at least know why they happened. This one came out of left field. Get your awes together because your favorite relationship girlie is about to go there. I told my ex I loved him and I can finally feel safe with him. He breaks up with me a week after that happens. I replayed that day over and over again in my head up until April. I introduced this man to my friends and family and even talked about him to my nieces and nephews. When he told me it was over and that I needed time to process it and hung up (yep, you heard me, hung up), I felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. This was the second time in my life I have ever actually felt like a loser. 

Pausing the story here to discuss why I said “I found my forever-ish person”. As you just read, I introduced this man to my friends, family, and nieces and nephews. This was a huge moment for me. Even though I talk openly in my writing, I am extremely private. For me to open myself up to another person and share the sacred pieces of me with them, makes me believe I am in a “forever” relationship. I still had a lot of doubts, which is why the “ish” piece is included. So, to sum it up, forever-ish is seeing someone you can spend your life with, but still having doubts. 

Now back to my heart getting broken.

Some of my friends hit me with a two-hand combo. Some said “Go get your man back”, “this might be your only chance to get your ring”, “he’s a good man”, “he’s a nice guy”, and my favorite one “What did you do?” Hearing these statements hurt but fueled me up, I went to try to get “my man” back. He shot me down and gave me some 90s jock response “If it’s meant to be, it will be” crap. Your girl’s confidence went from an ignorant 100% to 1% after all of that. Yep, I officially hit ultimate heartbreak. He told me I needed time to process all of this, so I did in Jamacia. I went on vacation and broke down crying the first two nights. Yep, your relationship girlie was going out sad in paradise. I kept asking myself “How could he say he love me and just throw me away like I was trash”? “What did I do to be treated this way?”. I asked myself these questions from February to April. Yes, he broke up with me before Valentine’s Day. Like I said, I went out sad. These questions tortured me. I believed I was a loving and caring partner. I was supportive and I listened, however, none of that was enough. The long-distance was hard, but I talked to this man several times a day. But it didn’t matter, he threw the relationship away and never spoke to me again. 

You’re probably wondering how did I pick myself back up? Well, for a workaholic, I used my addiction to working for a while, but then my therapist said, hey let’s fix this. I had to take some time to rebuild my confidence. After looking like a fool asking for my relationship back, (yeah never doing that again) I felt so low, I started just focusing on myself. I stopped listening to others and blocked the haters. I was bossed up in every aspect of my life after this breakup. I am proof that healing makes you feel like “that girl”. 

I share my breakup story with you because it is okay for the breakup to almost break you. It happens. Humans have so many complicated emotions and things do not always end happily.  Even the most Alpha personality person, can hurt from a breakup. The takeaway from my story is that brighter days will come even when you stop believing in them. Now go and heal because the next person you fall in love with should have your best version. Trust me, it’s worth it.

This was written by our contributing writer, Vonora Lewis.