As I sit writing this article, I am in the midst of the first holiday event that is being planned. Every year without fail, unless a worldwide shutdown occurs, we have a Halloween party for clients, neighbors, and friends. And I don’t mean a simple party. No, this is 300 people, a chili cook-off, live entertainment, costume contest, and it is all done in my home. Every year, around the fifteenth of the month, I tell myself I need to begin decorating. But what ends up happening is I wait till the day before. Yes, I am living this out in real time. I am one of you.    

There is no doubt that the holidays can be stressful. When October first hits, the next thing we know, pumpkins line the front porch and the fireplace mantle. Then, all of a sudden, we find ourselves at the store purchasing bags of candy and scrambling for a costume because the thirty-first came like a flash of light.

             Before we know it, anxiety begins to set in because the holidays are here, and we have not planned or thought the season through, and expectations of what we want to do for the holiday season with our families and friends feel overwhelming. All of this tension can cause a heap of undo worry and frustration that will ultimately impact how the holiday season plays out.  

             Before we know it, we are running around like a chicken, without a head, when there should be an embracing of the holiday. A few things may be helpful in finding a way through the culmination of overwhelming stress that meets us at the door and wanting to slam the holiday in the face when it arrives.

1. Plan ahead. Make realistic expectations.

             Start in September. You’re never too early to begin the planning and preparation. Rather than feel like the holiday came like a flash, take the calendar out and begin planning. We are all busy. There is no doubt about it. But taking a pen to the calendar and deciding on what days you will do what helps ease that frustration that you have nothing organized.

This is something that I have learned. Stick to the calendar. Don’t waiver. Now, as soon as the Halloween party is over, everything else is smooth sailing. 

Because my calendar is done, and I have it all laid out. My husband would say each year I’m not mentally ready for that many people in my home. 

Maybe he is right, and I put it off till I absolutely have to get myself in motion.  

Learn to be flexible in your schedule and set attainable goals. After Halloween, all our dates are set for everything that I know is staple in the holiday season and never changes. Stuff like get-togethers, caroling, the cookie exchange, the night we see the lights, when the tree goes up, when it comes down, and when we go shopping, etc. 

Anything else that pops up out of the ordinary gets added if time allows. Those things are an added benefit because if it is too much, you can always say no. Be okay with knowing that you don’t have to do everything.

2. Focus on what matters most.

             What is it about the holiday that you love the most? Is it the baking or the time spent with family and friends? Maybe it is the shopping because you find joy out of giving gifts. Or maybe it is the volunteer work you do during this time. Whatever it is, find what gives you passion during this time. If you don’t know what that is, you are not able to embrace it. Place your energy and time into what matters most to you so you can find fulfillment. When we are full, there is overflow to give unto others. Otherwise, it is difficult to give out of an empty vessel, and the outcome is frustration, tension, and anxiety.

3. Set a budget

             It never fails. If you go into a holiday season without a budget, come January, you will be scratching your head, wondering how you plan to pay for all you spent in December. This is best done in January. The number of people you have to buy gifts for every year generally stays the same. 

If you have the list predetermined, you are able to allocate a budget that allows how much you plan to spend on each person. Leave room for that extra person you may have to buy for. Put that money aside each month in an account or envelope specifically for Christmas gifts, and don’t touch it. This will eliminate the undue stress of coming up with the money at the end of the year, and when January rolls around, you can relax knowing you haven’t put yourself in a world of debt.

4. Avoid Family Conflict.

             Even the best of families can drive a person nuts. 

This year, before you head over to mom and dads for the holidays or family comes to visit you, think about what triggers those heated conversations that don’t end well. Determine to avoid stepping into the conversation and giving your opinion. You may not be able to change them–– but you can decide how you will and won’t respond.

             Have a preplanned course of action. Decide what you plan to do if heated conversations begin. Make it clear you don’t want to engage in any political conversations or discuss how your younger sibling decides to live their life.

             If you get pushback on the boundary that you have established, be okay with leaving. You can only control how you feel and react, and if it is better to walk away, that is what you have to do. Staying in the conflict only robs you of the joy you want to embrace during the Holiday Season.

The holidays are meant to be spent with the people that you love. They are a time to rejoice and to embrace all that is good. When you spend that time to preplan and have your goals laid out and boundaries established, you can relax and enjoy each day as it comes.  

This was written by our contributing writer, Shannon Hrimnak.