The Up & Coming Magazine

Choices, choices, choices. Every day another choice! All of us are constantly faced with choices ranging from big decisions such as what job to apply for or smaller ones like what to eat for breakfast.

It makes sense that when faced with major life choices, we are more likely to take time and weigh all of our options before making a decision. But I’ve learned that it’s wise to apply this approach to ordinary, everyday situations, like choosing what we eat for breakfast. If we don’t, we may find that a series of minor unconscious choices could eventually ‘morph’ into difficult situations requiring painful choices.

Here’s what I mean.

As a recovering perfectionist, I keep, what can be seen by many, an outrageously long ‘to-do’ list. It used to be that if I failed to check off each item before bedtime, I’d wind up feeling like a royal failure. Bad choice. It led to major stress mess – – – big time.

Here’s another one.

I have a sweet tooth, which I inherited from my mom, and sometimes, out of nowhere, pops up an impulse to have something sweet. My hand of its own accord dips into my chocolate drawer and ‘booya!’ Chocolate is inhaled. Yes, I do have a drawer dedicated to bars of ‘dark’ Mexican chocolate. Good choice or bad choice? It depends on the time of day and how many pieces I eat before I can stop.

When I stepped onto the path of self-awareness, I learned about something called conscious choice. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard about how to make even my small daily choices more conscious came from Iyanla VanZant’s interview with Oprah Winfrey¹. In response to Oprah’s question about this, Iyanla said, simply, “Pause, Boo!”¹ She was talking about finding the pause between the original impulse to do something and the action taken to implement the choice. It’s the difference between a knee-jerk unthinking reaction and a thoughtful responsive choice made for your best short- and long-term interests.

As that knowledge moved settled into my mind, I slowly learned to make better choices. I still make long to-do lists, but before getting started, I find the pause and take a moment to reflect. My mind is still saying, “Go!” but in the pause I can hear my body shouting, “Edit! Edit! Edit!” If I follow through (and I don’t always because I’m a work in progress, as we all are), I will choose three items for the day and watch my anxiety ease. Then I know I’ve made a conscious choice.

And the chocolate? Well, I’m better at catching the impulse. Most of the time I can stop myself and think, “Why am I feeling the impulse now? Where did it come from? Do I really need a chocolate hit at this time of day? Am I willing to accept the consequences of this choice, since chocolate indulgence after 3 pm can mess with my digestion? Sometimes my answer is yes and sometimes it’s no but the key is I took the time to choose consciously being fully aware of the consequences of my decision.

My to-do list and chocolate cravings may seem like small items with few consequences but if I react unconsciously on every impulse regarding those two choices I may, at some future time, given my family history, be faced with a variety of difficult health outcomes such as high blood pressure (it’s related to stress) or developing acid reflux (chocolate is a trigger  – – – dammit!). One or both of these consequences, if they occur, will require me to make major decisions about my healthcare. And both of these consequences could result from that series of seemingly small, impulsive choices.

Then I’d have to shake my head, wonder why I did what I did, and wish I could undo some of the choices I made about pushing myself to overachieve and eating too much chocolate. I know that acknowledging bad choices is important so I won’t repeat them, but I’ve also learned that spending too much time ruminating over my past shouldas, wouldas, and couldas is also unhelpful.

Making productive conscious choices isn’t always easy, but we have to start somewhere. So now when I’m faced with a choice, especially the smallish daily life ones, I practice a little something called SOS, the international signal of distress, used by ships at sea. But I’m using it as an acronym for “Stop, Observe, Select.”

Here’s what I do when an impulse hits and I’m able to find the pause.

1. Stop: I slow down, take a few breaths, and become a human being instead of a human doing. This is reminiscent of the phrase “Don’t just do something; sit there.”

2. Observe: I ask myself a few questions like:

• Why am I feeling the impulse now?
• Where did it come from?
• What is in my best interest in this moment?
• If I make a bad choice, am I willing to accept the consequences?

3. Select: Choosing the right action can be the hardest part. Sometimes the impulse wins out, but at least I’m aware of it. It’s a process.

When I am able to apply this practice to small daily choices, I’m gradually training myself to live a healthier, wiser and more balanced life.  At least I hope so.

1. Oprah Winfrey‘s interview with Iyanla VanZant, Super Soul Sunday TV show, November 15, 2017.

This was written by our contributing writer, Elizabeth Gibbs.

Image Source: Unsplash, Vincent Tantardini